i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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