i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
