I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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