Your face is a jimmy john
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
