hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
