I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
try to milk me bitch
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
