Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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