dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
