You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
