I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
