she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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