I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
