I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
