I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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