If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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