I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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