never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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