Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
