just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm at about main and main street
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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