Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
