I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
