Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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