He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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