When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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