Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
