he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
