Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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