dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
