went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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