i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
