She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
