you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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