The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just want nice things and good sex
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
