You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
