so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
