Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
