my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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