I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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