I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Someone signed my nipple.
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