I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she told me i tasted like america
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
