There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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