I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
