i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
