So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want to make out with him forever
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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