just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
