I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
