No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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