I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
love makes seman taste better
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
