We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
