This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
