I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
