I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
