I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
