I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
