Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
